I watched a poem.

I don't know how to write about a book for this blog post because I did not read one.
But I did watch my favorite poem..over and over again.
I never really gave much thought to poetry honestly.
I always thought it was just dumb and sappy. There was nothing that really interested me.
Until I saw this poem my junior year.
Throughout the whole poem I was smiling, laughing, feeling something.
I felt the passion he had in every word he said and that was what made this poem special to me.
I love when I can feel the soul behind someones words. Because they are just living  in everything they said.
So here it is... I'm Thinking About You...

hi my name is....

My A4 class all sat in the computer lab thinking of our pen names...
They all had spectacular names with meaning and purpose.
Or maybe not even that, they just sounded intelligent, or like they were about to drop some unreal writing into Paris.
I remember asking Nelson..
"I want my blog name to be inspiring.."
His answer was..
"Your pen name isn't going to inspire people it will be what you write."

If you really knew me, you would know that I am a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person.
IF you really knew me you would know that I have a heart full of love and the last person I am thinking about is myself.
If you really knew me you would know that I love giving people a good laugh.
If you really knew me...you would know that while I sat there in that writing lab this is what went through my head.

"Okay..my blog name will be the first thing name that pops into my head.."
Well the first name to pop into my head was Ronda..
And if any of you really know me you would know that that would be a dead give away.
So unfortunantly the second name to pop into my head was..Agatha.

So I said what the heck and put it in.

I had no idea it was going to effect my amount of readers or the amount of comments I got on my posts.
I feel as though the people who's blogs were read had ellequint and saficticated names.
My name made me look like a tourist.
But I am not a tourist.
You can't judge a book by its cover.
I think that is one of the reasons I was never afraid to show who I was before we revealed all of this.
I think that's why I write like I talk.
Everyone could pick out who I was like a sore thumb.

The pen names really shouldn't have effected how you wrote.
This big reveale shouldn't determaine wheather you delete that heartfelt post or not.
We all enjoyed this jouney in paris together.
 And it was a pleasure getting to know the other side of all of you. so..

Hi My Name Is Alyssa Wilde

There bad comes with good. BUT the good is what to remember.

I remember walking into my first day of preschool. How excited I was. Just a cute innocent 5 year old. Taking on adventures other than being a princess locked in a tower.

I remember having the largest smile on my 6 year old face walking into kindergarten with all of the "big kids".

I remember being chubby but still somewhat of a cut little 7 year old girl finally going into 1 grade where I could now finally go to my full day of school, with lunch, and recess.

I remember being 8...and that is when it began. I remember walking down the hallway just a little girl happy to be there when a big kid told me I was fat and ugly..and to put down that candy bar and start doing some sit-ups...crushed..

I remember being in fourth grade at a new school, a new state. I remember having wire brimmed glasses with a fat belly and 2 chins. Getting bullied every single day.

I remember knowing what depression was at the age of 11...I remember asking my dad in the 6 grade what I can do to loose weight. I remember being scared to go to school becuase I didn't know who was going to be next to tear me down that day.

I remember finally being in middle school, a confused 14 year old 8 grader. Far from ever knowing who I really was. I remember my self image being the lowest of the low, my heart shattered into pieces.

I remember being in the 9th grade. I remember watching all of my friends get tall and skinny and pretty. I remember letting anorexia get the best of me, suicide controlling my thoughts and my emotions everyday worst then the last.

But there does come a time in each of our lives where we realize what the past means, and what that can also mean for the future.

I remember when I finally got into high school and feeling a sense of release. That no one could hurt me anymore.

I remember the first time I really went out of my way for someone to make them feel good.

I remember the first time I walked down the hall and shared a smile with a perfect stranger and me not being worried about myself.

I remember the first time I watched someone drop their stuff and I went out of my way to help them pick it up.

I remember the first time I painted a disabled girls nails and the way she smiled and laughed and the way she felt beautiful!

\I remember the first time I held my little brother and his hands and feet were so small and so precious.

I remember the first time I took a run during a magnificent sunset outside.

I remember the first time I hugged my family all five of us and that moment and all of the times there after I will feel that burning passion love from my family.

I remember...so much bad...but with the bad..comes so much good...and the good is the things to remember.

Have you ever thought about what your heart beats for?
I know what mine beats for...

My heart beats for the air I breath,

My heart beats for the piercing cold wind on my cheeks,

My heart beats for the blanket on my bed that some little kids don't have,

My heart beats the laughs I share,

My heart beats for the moment right before a kiss,

My heart beats for the words we speak,

My heart beats for love,

My heart beats for my family,

My heart beats for when I do something I love,

My heart beats for every time I sing and I know I sound terrible but I am just living,

My heart beats for the tears I shed,

My heart beats for the little things we don't think matter but do,

My heart beats for a special look you get from a special someone,

My heart beats....for you.

Now..what does your heart beat for..?

 

 

Black out poetry..hopefully it works

You are my Nature

Your eyes remind me of the blue water in the canyon. Always something there. Always piercing my soul in a good way. In a way I could not explain. But it felt good, I feel as though you know me because I know your eyes. And they can see through me. They are deep and so focused I have never seen such a set of eyes but I know I loved yours.

Your skin reminds me of the warm sun beating down into the canyon. It makes me feel warm and comforted. I never want to leave your skin. The kind that shines and makes me feel safe. The skin that makes me feel secure and good. The kind I want to hold onto and keep with me forever. And that is yours.

Your hands remind me of the trees strong but soft. I can remember the first time I held it. Not in a lovey way but in a funny way. It was a soft hand but I could feel the strength. I could feel the passion and desires of your soul. I knew no one would ever tear you down. Your roots were strong just like a trees and I could feel that in your hands. The way our hands moved with each other like a tree moves with the wind. The way our hands fit so perfectly together like the tree fits into the ground. The way our fingers knew exactly where to go just like a leaf knows where to grow on a tree.

Your lips remind me of my desire to live in nature. I have never kissed them but if I ever did I know it would be right. Its perfection your lips are, the way they are shaped, the way they move when you talk, the way I see them when you say my name. No lips have ever been so precious in my eyes. Just like my desire to live in nature I have never got a taste but I know if I did I would never want to be anywhere else. If I ever got the chance to touch your lips I know I would never want anyone else.

Your hair reminds me of the soft bushes in the forest. Your hair is soft and natural. It makes me happy, it makes me want to laugh and be free and enjoy you. No one's hair has ever made me feel that way. But yours does.

You. Your remind me of the one yellow tree in the middle of pine trees in the fall. You are the different one.You make me feel spontaneous. You are more different then anyone that I have ever known. The way you laugh when I say something stupid that is different. The way you brush my hand with yours and get nervous because it was an accident and you don't know what I will think. That makes you different. The way you give me silly little compliments that to you seem like not a big deal but to me..it means the world. That makes you different. The way you make my heart ache for you when your not around, the way I want you by my side every second of the day, the way your arms can wrap me in a hug so strong and powerful and make me feel like the happiest girl alive. That makes you different.

 You complete the canyon..without you the canyon would be nothing. Without you the canyon would have no trees, no bushes, no water. The canyon would be nothing without you. You have helped shape the canyon. Me. Without you I am empty. Without you I have no hands to dream about, no lips to hope for, no skin to desire, no eyes to fall into. So I thank you for helping build my canyon because without you..my canyon would be empty. You are my nature.

Death is coming. What are you going to do about it?

What do you think it will be like to die?
Will we float out of our bodies or walk?
Will we stand at the pearly gates in the clouds with God there to welcome us or will we roam the earth for a little while as a spirit?
So many questions with so little answers. I guess the only way to get the answers would be to die.
But I am sure as heck not ready to go.

Life is funny isn't it? We search our whole lives for something. For achievement for a purpose for anything to give us a reason to live. And then... to die.
 
To die...
Those to words haunt my soul. They shake my spirit and rattle my bones. It makes me quiver to imagine those words rolling across my mind.
To know.. that will be me someday laying in that coffin, ice cold, make up all on my face, my lips and eyes waxed shut. It makes me sick to think about.
 I don't want people crying, moaning and groaning at my funeral.If anything I want it to be a celebration.
I know that is the strangest thing.
But I want people to celebrate the life I lived, the difference I made the people I effected.
I want people to be laughing about the memories we made and the love we shared.
By the time I die..which i hope is a long time from now..I hope I have made so many memories my funeral will go on for hours and people will be laughing and sharing and comforting eachother.

Death doesn't always have to be dark and scary.

The grim reaper has really ruined our whole conception of death We look at this and all we can think about is that is coming for us someday. When really we ourselves are the grim reaper.
We are killing ourselves by focusing on death one little bit at a time.

So think of the good things. One day when you die you will meet God oh how glorious that day will be. You will see all of your family that has passed. People you never even knew will be congratulating you on your journey on earth and welcoming you home.
You will be in heaven. So much beauty I don't think our minds will be able to comprehend how beautiful it will be.
Losing someone is sad.
No.
Losing someone you love is terrible. But it isn't so bad when you know what they are going to.

Death is frightening of course. Even scarier is how we are going to die. But why think about that?
We are here living now. BE HERE NOW! Enjoy what you have NOW. Love everyone you know NOW.
Death is coming. What am I going to do about it? Nothing there's nothing I can do but live in the moment and enjoy the little things.
Your time will come I can promise you that. I think we think too much. No more thinking just doing. Love the life you live, live the life you love and everything will turn out the way it should.