I am I am I am afraid

I'm afraid...

I am afraid of getting old.

I am afraid of responsibility when I am older.

I am afraid of not being able to be afraid of the dark.

I am afraid of wearing a pair of heals and not being able to walk on the back of them because someone will look at me weird.

I am afraid of getting a full time job and not being able to screw around all day.

I am afraid of growing up and having kids and raising them wrong.

I am afraid of driving on a road to a job that I hate so I can pay the bills.

I am afraid of not being able to sleep with my favorite blanket anymore.

I am afraid of paying bills.

I am afraid of getting scared and my parents not being there to comfort me.

Do you think that an adult ever wants to not do these things?

Do you think that an adult wants to scream and sing as loud as they can while they shop?

Do you think that an adult wants to walk on the back of their heals?

Because really I think we are all afraid of growing up.

I think we are so afraid of the darkness but the darkness surrounds us.

I think adults are too afraid of being judged so they act mature. 

I am afraid of turning into that.

Into what?

A robot.

I don't want to do the regular daily routine like all the other adults someday.

But the truth is..

It's coming..

It is coming as fast as a train. And there is no way to stop me from becoming an adult.

There is no way for me to not go and have a full time job so I can pay my bills.

I will always be stuck as an adult.

And the worst part is..

This fear of mine will haunt me for the rest of my life..